Blame the Funster!

She is the one that “goaded” me into this and some of you my dear internets know that sometimes it takes very little. For instance a word or two that may indicate I could not would write poem. Dare I. Well I did. Maybe this will make up a bit to my dear internets that didn’t care much for the way my last post ended. Hey you have to forgive me cause it’s me the Queen of Paradise Valley and you so know you love me!

Here is the photo (not a great one) to get ya started…

And now the poem, that will make you laugh and say things like I can’t believe no one has written this before; how clever; OMG what an idiot; or…if only Hellen Reddy was reading this. Yeah things like that.


Hear ye, hear ye
(Brassiere ye)

Hooks and frilly lace binding
Feminine freedoms
Like flags of yester years, burned
Smoke rose as pointed funnels into history

Medium to small and custom enlargements
Advertized as secrets, bared

Pink, blue, white or zebra stripe
So gently put into training

Making fashion statements
Sporting support has shaken
Bubbling out and over
Cleavage of strapless propriety

Bras flung with wild abandon
Anticipation haltered

From Jannie’s loss
To a beggar’s found
At ye ol’ Texas Renaissance Festival

Life on a Texas Highway

I know we all have them and we all want to be rid of them and if you are one of them quit it just STOP IT RIGHT NOW!

The makeup artist. You know who they are you see them in morning rush hour traffic bouncing between the lines or off of cars and concrete barricades. Oh look here’s one now.




What you can’t tell from the photograph is what she is doing. I know she is dotting on her foundation and smoothing it out, applying her power and blush soon she will be putting on mascara. I can see it plain as day-much better than my camera does. And yes it’s true, I have been behind this woman before in fact I have been trying to get a picture of her for quite some time and recently I got lucky.



Not only did I get to scoot by her without being hit, bumped or rear ended but I also got this fabulous photo of her in my rear view mirror as I was stopped in traffic and she was not; at least she wasn’t yet.


Gosh I hope it didn’t hurt too bad…you know when the mascara wand poked her bright eye.

Moral of this post DON’T PUT ON MAKEUP WHILE YOU ARE DRIVING because you never know, I mean really just never know when I –or someone like me, will be there snapping your photo and posting it on the internet for all to see just how stupidly pretty and invincible you think you are. – Wonder how she will look in a casket when her face goes through the windshield; bet her cheeks would have a blood red blush to ‘em.

What a Surprise!

Dear internets I have a confession; Sometimes I am not the swiftest of people, no really it’s true. Y’all remember when I won that super cool CD from the Funster, earlier this month. I was so excited when I picked up the mail that I just sort of tore into the envelope and pulled out the CD case and stuck it in my player and giggled out. I keept it in my truck all this time, envelope and all, well I was finally ready to download it on my IPod so I put the CD case back in the envelope and took it in the house. I pulled the case out and low and behold another letter sized envelope fell out. I telling ya t just fell out in my lap. Yeah, was my first thought she sent me money! Like it was my birthday or something but it was better then money.

It contained a sweet personal letter from Jannie to Me! Handwritten on pretty paper inside an envelope with a pretty inside. Sooo Cool. Now Jannie Funster must think I’m a real a$$ for not mentioning this before and I admit I’m a goober for overlooking it.

So I want to send out another thank you to Miss Kelly for picking my comment number during the ‘I Want A Man CD’ give away and a thank you to Ms Funster for the great songs and music and the pretty note that I just found. See it was a good surprise, what next Jannie a song written just for moi?

(Sspt, do y’all think she got the hint?)

Innie or Outtie

No this has nothing to do with belly buttons or navel oranges. G~O~S~H!

I came across a link a while back at a writers forum I visit (Editor Unleashed) and it lead me to an interesting blog called Not from around here are you?. I know you my dear internets are not accustomed to feeling like an outsider so some of the stories there may not appeal to you but trust me, and I know you do, when I say you will like and enjoy what you read. There are many to choose from so just pick a title and read and empathize with these poor outsiders. And when you pop over there to see you may find a familiar name (MINE) or two of my writing buds from around the www. And who knows you may be inspired to tell your story of being an outtie.

Now a disclaimer: Michael had asked some of his own peps only to write a piece but he, fortunately for me, left his information lying out and I borrowed it. I mean what are neighbors for anyway if not gleaning information, gossip or a cup of sugar from. No this does not require a real answer and I'm fresh outta sugar.

Oh and please be sure to just overlook a typo or two as you normally would for me

AND how do you like my new little quick response check boxes-Snnnazzy huh?

Down spouts and Rain drops

Y’all know those down spout things that roll out when it rains and “sprinkles” the water away from your home’s foundation? Of course you do you have seen them in the junk I mean “specialty” catalogs. Well we bought a couple and have tried them out. Here’s the scoop, you slip them on the end of your downspout and use a twisty tie to secure them. Actually it was like an extra long bread tie. If the water falls in a light sprinkle they do not “roll” out and the water just kinda pools in them. But when it rains pretty good they do roll out great. And sadly when it stops raining they do not roll back up. You have to trudge outside and roll ‘em back up yourself. These unhandy things get to go in my – send to a second hand store – box and I sorta feel guilty about that.



And now jumping on to another product

Even though we have high humidity here, there are times (too often) that we are in drought, as I’m sure y’all go through too. This next item is something that can save you money and is environmental. We have been talking a while about solar power and all that “green” stuff, not really so much for the money it can save and not so much for any environmental reason but because when we get hurricanes we would have lights and refrigerators and precious air conditioning. Yes it is selfish but hey such is the life of humans. And here is an interesting thing to use at the bottom of your gutters. Big barrels, nothing new in that; they have been using these for years – forever – even. But these are nifty barrels, they hold 50 gallons. At the bottom of them they have a hose connection so your saved rain water can used on the yard or for you know watering plants. The top part has a handy little place to plant some little plants like herbs or whatever. And there is an over flow spout so your plants won’t get washed away. Oh and they look like terracotta. Now if you don’t like terracotta you can pick up some handy dandy spray paint, they make some now that works for plastic.


Now I can foresee possible problems with these barrels full of standing water. I believe mosquitoes will bred and thrive in them. So I bought some of those skeeter things you put in ponds and that should stop the problem before it starts. Now if it would only rain some.

So what do y’all do with the ends of your gutters / down spouts, if ya have ‘em?

Cold Stone Showoffs

So I had this hankerin for some Cold Stone Ice-cream (yummy tummy) and after about 2 weeks I had to have it. The closest place to us is a little inconvenient but when baby girl had a friend spend the night I thought ‘hey lets show off and go over there for some icey creamy goodness.’ It was gonna be a two fer special kind of day for lets call her Scooter-not her real name.

I get the ice-cream and Scooter’s gets an afternoon of firsts. Her first time over to that little townette and to have that excellent ice-cream. Ok so maybe it was a 3-fer or even a 4-fer, heck maybe a 5-fer kind of day. You know how they can just jump up and surprise you. We sat on a park bend to watch some little kiddies play in a fountain and to eat our treat. Beloved had a small mint chocolate shake, I had a small chocolate waffle cone, baby girl had a medium berry bowl (hang on I’m getting there) and Scooter had a large strawberry cheesecake in a chocolate dipped with sprinkles waffle bowl- topped with marshmallow ice cream. And yes she ate the whole thing

. This is my hand & my empty waffle cone holder

Scooter wanted to ride the trolley, so we climbed aboard, she just keep saying cool, awesome and wow. We got off the free ride near another fountain and the “water wall”. That’s what the locals call it – let me explain, it is an average height wall of cascading water that can be controlled by a computer. They can make it ripple down, pour down ir any combination thereof. In that area there is also a fountain, only this one is what I call a spitting fountain – again let me explain…they program the water so it shoots outta one hole in the ground and glides or spits over to another hole in the ground. This was very entertaining as the little kids playing there were never quite sure where the water was going to pop up from. So our two young ladies thought they would show them how. Ah that’s too bad…yeah it didn’t go as they had planned. But to make ‘em feel better or at least to forget about their mishap I had them pose for pictures- cause I just never take enough and girls just like to pose.

Before long they did indeed forget, distractions and short term memory works. We went up a flight of stairs back to street level and I had them sit on the edge of a big “pool”. I am happily snapping away then screams and laughter erupted as did the water in the “pool” it shot up at least one and a half stories high and scared our poor little girls. But we had to get going if we were to catch the movie they wanted to see—Drag me to Hell. I’m not one for gratuitous gore so I was not looking forward to it.

Now the real part of this post is about our expensive bottle of water…It was hot and sunny and hot. We had been walking a while and Beloved has a bad knee and the other issue that he doesn’t want to be an issue. So when Beloved gets to feeling unwell and needs water it is an immediate gotta have it now! So we go into this restaurant for some water. Cue the eerie stupid music and wavy lines—double doors open revealing a huge beautiful wood and glass fancy assed bar. Four down trodden people trudge in, sweat dripping from their brows, beat red faces. Better than anybody waiter in a black apron, black pants and shiny shoes with crisp white shirt and blah tie
“Table for four?” says he.
Beloved said “No. I just need some water, please.”
Dumfounded waiter wrings his hands and looks over at the waiter standing beside him, he shrugs? “What?”
Beloved, “Water”
Waiter more confused by such a simple request “Huh?”
Beloved turns around and begins to walk away. I said in my loud crude way of protecting those I dearly love… “Water! Get him some water…” neither one moved “now!”
Dumbass waiter, “Water?
I nodded and said “Yes, don’t y’all have a faucet that brings water into the building?” – ok so maybe I didn’t say that exactly but it was close. I made Beloved sit down and the waiter looks at me. So I raise my eyebrows and said “Water!”
Stupider than a rock waiter, “Oh… ah … ah. Do you want bottled?”
Now I’m glaring at him and wonder what kind of nightmare did his mother have raising such an idiot kid? And I said, “Ah yeah.”
So he pops up behind the bar with two bottles of water, a small and a large (wine sized bottle), we took the smaller glass bottle. At least the waiter had a bottle opener. I suppose if you all you can do is hand out bottles to people that is the only real talent you need. We laid a five dollar bill on the bar and received no change. Beloved drank half the bottle and we left, expensive bottle in hand, finished it on the way to the book store. He read on the bottle that it was Nestle water, you know the one you can buy at Sams Club for about 75 cents each.


Then after a bit of relaxing rest in a comfy chair in the sweet air conditioned book store, we mossied back to our truck and away to the movies we went. The girls thought the movie was good, I thought it was icky gross and made me jump too many times and squint my eyes closed too much, Beloved thought it (the movie not me) was funny and laughed at many scenes. It is rated PG and that’s all I have to say about that.

Exciting News

First, because it happened first…

I win, I win, Yes I’m a winner

Little Kelly, a darling of a child has made me one of two winners. My dear little green internets, y’all just have to pop on over to the Funster’s and see this video.

Oh, ya wanta know what I won. Of course you do. I have won, did it mention I was a winner, a CD. Kelly’s sidekick Jannie has this new CD out, ‘I Need a Man’; original music performed by Jannie Funster herself. And if you are as jealous as you normally are when I win something, I dare you…no double dog dare you to get your own.

~~~~Update 6-6; The CD has arrived and it is kick ass I love I need a man, Beloved loves Wedgie Wedding and we both love The littlest songwriter. Actually they are all very cool. Good work Jannie!

Second, because it happened next…

Brian of The New Author and Bernard Rossi of Bernard’s Blog have collaborated to put on a poetry workshop. They have posted a photograph, courtesy of Bernard, for folks to write a poem about. Now from my side of the screen I can see many different ways to write about a photograph (also see this post) and y’all know how I feel about photos.

Remember the “speaker” of a poem is not necessary the poet. In this case it is definitely NOT ME. Let me give this poem a PG rating cause it contains brief nudity. If you are interested please follow along or even participate in this workshop, it is FREE yes you read that right. Let me type it again F-R-E-E. Below is the actual raw long hand piece I wrote after looking and thinking about this photo for a very short time maybe 30 minutes.





I know it’s a little hard to follow and the spelling is atrocious and…well let me say my mind goes faster than my carpel tunnel hand can, but this is what it looks like when I work in ink and real paper instead of this virtual e-version.

And below is what it became when I typed it up on the computer, the way it was sent in to Bernie and Brian. I look forward to seeing how this workshop progresses it is my first.

Look Back

Standing naked behind sheer hotel curtains
Billowing, blowing on gusts of sea wind
Flickering, gliding on my breast, my thighs

Raising tiny goose bumps chilling my soul
As natural as breathing, I hold myself, alone
Close my eyes and inhale

Salty air reminiscent of that last walk along
The golden sands of forever
Like the plane, your plane now flies to

And you, you sit among strangers
Clothed in yourself, breathing their air
Smelling their unknown scents

While I pray that you are missing me
Or at least that you glance out the window
And look for me, please look back

Come play along join in I showed you mine now let me see yours

About Beloved's Birthday

Before his birthday I took him out to his favorite restaurant Red Lobster, that boy sure does love the tail. And then on his actual day I took him over to The Road House for Texas food. We had free entertainment from a lady that sat behind us. She was not pleased with the service that she had gotten and was not afraid to say so very loudly but then you have to be loud at that place as the ambiance is already on the loud side. Blah blah blah-30 minutes to get salad and then it wasn’t right blah dee blah- no refills on the drinks blah dee boo who blah…Of course Beloved and I thought it would be really funny if we had gotten our food before she did. I know that may be a little mean cause I so understand where she was coming from as I certainly have gotten bad service plenty of times. But I wait to complain till after I get my food cause I don’t want it to fall on the floor or get over peppered or whatever, ya know. Beloved and I were getting great service and at first I thought it was because we were just such a loverly couple with our bright smiles and cute little smooching in the booth. Well it could have been.

They, the staff announced a birthday person and I felt my beloved stiffen up a bit, haha but I didn’t tell. It was this old man and I feel good about saying “OLD”. In fact it was an age Beloved had told our youngest daughter that “it would be neat to be that old.” The man had just turned 100, now y’all gotta admit that is neat and he was doing well enough that he went out to eat. Hell he probably drove himself and the others there. Well maybe not but it made us smile.


Back to our service… we did not get our food before the lady behind us but it wasn’t too long after that and our waiter came by often to refill our water and check on us. Good service huh? I couldn’t help but notice that every time staff members mossied by they would see us and get weird looks on their faces. Then I clicked as to why some of them had a guilty look and some were nervous and why we received good service. Not only was that night Beloved’s birthday but we had a citizen’s meeting. We are a part of the Sheriff’s Alumni. That means we took a 14 week course offered by our county’s Sherriff and passed. I think I told ya about that before. Check with your county Sherriff’s office and maybe you too can be an active citizen of your community and get a really cool shirt that has a neato “official” looking Sheriff’s type logo on it. Yelp I bet that was why our service was good or maybe it really was the cute cuddly couple thang.