Stupid Boys

I know, I know it’s been too long since I regaled you with a story from my childhood. Okay so this one time at camp (no, not band camp-get a life people) I was younger, oh about 12, yeah 12…so there we were (family) setting up camp. Okay so my mom was setting it up and we kids were being kids. Running around and poking our noses into things we knew better not to do. No really I knew better but my little sister’s habit; AKA (also known as) the Susan Phenomenon, got a hold of me and I just couldn’t help myself.


I suppose I could blame it on boredom, but I won’t cause I liked camping, I was, well I was just being a normal kid.

Cue your favorite stupid kid music (think cartoon even)

I was delighted when I saw a board leaning up against a little tree, harmless enough. My thoughts, if I had any at all, surely. No surely I thought I can do something neat and fun with that board. Make a doll house, on accounta I loved my Barbie and she was probably in my hand, just saying. Or maybe I could use it for a makeshift stage, I did like singing and dancing, surely I did. La la laa, dum dee dum, tra la dee dum. Ew I could use for playing crazy eights on, yeah that’s it. I so needed that specific board to use as a table for us kids to play cards on. See I told you I needed that neat harmless board.

Recreation for your viewing pleasure

So anyways I reached down and tilted it towards me, maybe there was treasure behind it. Could have been, you know! Daddy did teach me to be a little careful and a good thing too on accounta there was a snake taking a nap behind the harmless board. Hum creepy. So I ever so slowly and quietly put it back and stepped away. ‘Barbie, what should we do?” Stuck up little thing didn’t say anything, so I just skipped away.

After a little time (only minutes really, no surely) some of the other campers nearby told my parents to be careful there had been some snakes spotted nearby. “Yeah”, said I, “and there is one right there behind that board.” Well you would have thought the sky had fallen or little mices were running all around the ground. It was freak out time! My brave daddy went over to the tree and moved the board-S-L-O-W-L-Y- and then,

AND THEN…

He proceeded to stomp on that ol’ snake. No $hit, my dear internets, my daddy stomped it dead. (See this is where I get my crazy a$$edness from) It was scary and funny all at the same time. Ya just gotta picture my daddy in the late, okay mid 70s, wearing a plain white pocket tee shirt,cigarette in one hand-beer in the other, plaid Bermuda shorts (of some crazy color scheme), white socks and black cowboy boots (Texas people). Women and childrens screaming and hollering and jumping up on car hoods and daddy dance stomping around and big snake scared shootless, trying so hard to get away and throwing his rattle around. As if that was gonna scare MY daddy away. Hump!

Needless to say my mother and aunt would not camp at that particular site, no way no how. So we packed up and moved a few sites away. Once camp was made and the folks simmered down, I was chastised for moving the board and for not telling what I had found; while my brother and cousin were toting around the dead 5 foot rattle snake draped over a stick. Stupid boys.

You can find other snakes and me kind of posts here, here, here and yes even here. Does this appear to be some kind of serial thang? Surely there are a few weird unusual things in your life that seem like a repeat of a twilight zone. Come on my dear internets, I can’t be the only one!

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Camping anyone?

A while back one of my Dear Internets, Jannie Funster asked her dear Internets to tell about their Storm Camping trips. And, well naturally being someone else’s dear Internet I thought that has to be one from the nineties…{cue your favorite pop 90s music}

I was a Boy Scout Den Leader of 11 Webelos I had had them since my son Andrew talked me into being a leader when he was in 1st grade. So-s anyway big camping trip full of competition for Saturday, we went with 2 other families from our Pack on Friday to set up…with special specs—tents straight line, fire buckets, kitchen, 1st aid station the works. It was a good day all went well. We got it set up, ate dinner and bedded down expecting showers during the night –very early morning…

(cue nice snuggly sleepy music)

All were sawing logs beings how we were in the woods ya know…Then suddenly I woke up about 11:30 the wind was sucking the tent walls in and out and made a terrible wheezing sound. I sat up to smoke a cigarette and keep watch. After about an hour it started pouring rain and the wind got worse, if there could be a worse than this was it. It rained harder and water started to come in the bottom of our-oh- so- secure tent and dripped in streams from above. Thunder crashed and shook the ground, no exaggeration it actually shook. Lightening glowed and zipped through the black, black night and I could see other people in their tents scurrying around when the night became as day with the strikes that seemed to be one on top of the next. I woke up the spouse (now the ex) about 12:30-1am. Told him I thought he otta go get the truck as the weather was pretty bad (ya think?) I was feeling pretty nervous about it now. I was hollering at the other two families that he was going for the truck. My son was still sleeping, which was a good thing, a very, very good thing. But really how ta heck can anyone sleep though that. Back story on him—just the previous summer he had been at his grandparents home and witnessed straight line winds of 90 mph, so he would get very freaked out over strong winds.

(cue creepy-the worst slasher music you can think of)

I put his shoes on him while he slept. The wind got worse; cripes who would’ve thought it could get worse. Yes, now it really was totally bad, between the crashing thunder I heard tree limbs snapping and what I could only imagine were tree tops toppling. Holy crap! There was no place to go…our tent had no basement and there was no storm cellar for miles. The spouse wasn’t back yet. What ta hell was taking so long, the truck wasn’t that damn far. I woke Andrew up so he would be awake when his dad finally decided to show up. It took all I had to keep Andrew from running out of the tent into the dark storming blackness in his panic. Bless his heart the fear was awful and broke my heart. I keep reassuring him that it would be okay all the while I prayed that I wasn’t a liar. I held him and rocked him. (He would not be happy that I told you about this part so keep it just between us-mm’k?)

Finally the spouse was back, he hollered at our other families and we all took off for the truck, eight of us ran for it and climbed into my quad-cab dodge. Soaked and scared as hell. While we were running a little tent in the section next to us took off rolling…parents were chasing it. What idiots, I thought just let it go…I found out the next day it had two cub scouts in it, they were fine, I sometimes wonder if they ever camped again; But this about my stormy camping… we along with several other vehicles were lined up on the somewhat solid road near the campsites. A brave soul went car to car telling us to stay put as the road out was flooded and how we were safer in the cars then in the blowed over wet tents. DUH ya think. All eight of us wet smelly people sat in my truck for about FOREVER it felt like but was only about 3 hours.

(cue the bright sunny day is breaking music)

About the time the sun was coming up we were able to pull out. The plan was to come back latter and clean up, the Webelos Do Your Best was cancelled., but I had a few other boys coming for the campout. I called and got a hold of one and asked them to call the others…”tell them not to come.” But two families riding together had already left. They were turned away when they arrived.

After a few hours of sleep my son and I headed back to clean up our stuff, the spouse slept. I wish I had pictures of the campsite it was pretty bad. Tents and camping gear strewn all over and yes the snapping I had heard were limbs, tree tops and even whole trees. As it turned out there had been an F5 tornado pass right by us. Thank God it wasn’t right on us. Should I mention, probably not but I will cause I’m the Queen of this Valley, that the spouse blamed me. Really I should have known there was going to be a tornado. Yeah member I said he is the Ex.

Sorry this post was so long, just be glad you weren’t there. You weren’t there ya?

(cue victory music)

There were no injuries, we all survived to have the Webelos Do Your Best competitions and MY boys, my Cub Scouts won a few (3), placed in a couple (2nd) and lost one. Now that was my fault as I didn’t teach them how to toss a small log tied to a rope over a branch. My boys, oh my boys may have lost that one but they didn’t quit till they got it over a branch. I was and am very proud of them for not giving up. Oh the big one, the really big win…Yeah I so have bragging rights, MY Cubs, MY BOYS beat all the big “Boy Scouts” at fire building. Oh yeah!


That’s all my dear Internets do you have a storm camping story?