January 25, 2009

Out The Back Door

Well here y’all go my story of a snake out my back door… IF you don’t want to hear about snakes and their come-uppings do not finish reading this post.

Tral-la-la lovely cool morning. I was still in my robe, but necked under, umm. I think I’ll go out for a cup of coffee and a cigarette on the patio (I used to smoke--been a quitter for several years now) cause I didn’t smoke in the house. La-tea-da, oh sorry this is the part you have to picture…la-tea-da turn the door knob push open the door and step through. Something fell and brushed my shoulder before it hit the patio. Humm most likely a stick, back yard full of trees ya know. Take a couple of steps, glace behind be to see. SNAKE! Yikes, well I did say more than that, but you would have to forgive my French so instead use your imagination. And remember this thing fell and slid down my shoulder! Mind you the back door was still open but now there was a snake between me and the door and I was barefooted and almost in the nude.

I ran out the gate to the front of the house, got the hidden key, went to the garage and got a shovel—a really big shovel. Out the front and back around to the backyard, well to the gate anyway. Then I carefully walked in the yard and slowly approached the patio. I was searching and looking to make sure the nasty snake was where I had left it. Thank goodness it was kinda cool, they move slow when they are cold.

There it laid that venomous horrid thing. I crept up, very nervous because I had never done this before you know what I mean, KILLED. I swung my shovel and brought it down hard on the snake, but not hard enough. Eww, I had to strike again before it flopped away. This time I put all my weight and furry behind it, sparks flew when the metal head of the shovel meet the concrete. Full contact and success was mine, I scooped it over to the side and found my cigarette and had a well deserved smoke, then went in the house—yes the back door had been open all that time.

For about 3 years I had a hard time going out my back door. I would turn the knob and toss open the door, pause for several seconds before I went out. And now I have the front door issue, but that too shall pass. My Texas buddy Karen of TSSO says that may have been a Corn Snake and not a copperhead and I suppose it may have been cause that is better snake Right? As if there is a better snake.

My next snake story will be of the First time I came across snakes at our home. Do y'all have any idea how hard it is for me to dredge up these old pull out my hair kind of stories. I just hope you enjoy them.

Why, why, why am I plagued with finding snakes???


Jeni said...

OH! Baby, as much as I hate -and fear -snakes, just reading about 'em, seeing pictures of 'em in books, magazines, on tv, can give me the chills, heebie-jeebies and whatever other terms you can think of that indicate fear and hatred combined!
If ever I had one fall and even look at me as it whisked past me, I'd have been in a state of panic. But to have the sucker actually touch me? People probably would have heard me screaming from Texas clear up to Pennsylvania! Gives me the chills just thinking about that! And I don't care if it is a poisonous snake or one that they say is non-poisonous, I just don't like 'em! A brush like that would call for sitting down with some kind of extra-special drink -beer, whisky, some kind of alcohol would be called for and to heck with smoking one cigarette! I'd be polishing off a whole pack in nothing flat!
Glad you had the composure to think about going and grabbing a shovel and smacking that puppy into kingdom come!

kimmyk said...

Paige dear, I need your email addy to send you the questions to play the question game.

Email me why don'tcha!

Please and thank you's!!

mattw said...

Did you ever figure out what kind of snake it was?

Susan's Snippets said...

Paige....I cannot even consider letting my boyfriend Keith read your post. His phobia...snakes!! Which was, at first, hard to get use to because in my family growing up we all caught and played with them out in the fields...although nothing dangerous, usually just a garter (sp?) snake.

phobias you cannot fake

Cez said...

Oh boy! What a tale! *shudders*

judypatooote said...

I have to ask, are you tall and skinny? For maybe the snake thinks your it's mama...OK, sorry I ask....snakes have never bothered me, I use to run across them as a kid (when I say run across, I mean I saw them) but they always slithered away....but I am petrified of spiders or any bug....go figure comparing their size and all....I loved your story, I always thought you to be a great story teller....the necked bit was a bit more than I needed to know....LOL, but it did set the scene.... thanks for sharing.... judy

J. M. Strother said...

I've had to remove a snake from my basement twice now. The first one was obviously a garter snake, so I scooped him up and put him out in the back yard, where snakes belong.

The second one looked like a copperhead to me. Scared the bejezzus out of me. I didn't want to kill it without knowing for sure. I mean, if I had a nest of copperheads in my basement, I'd want to know for sure.

So I scooped him into a kitchen type trash can, with a lid, and drove out to the Missouri Conservation Department so they could ID it for me. You know what it's like driving around with a trash can next to you that may contain a poisonous snake. Please, dear God, don't let me get in a wreak!

I got there, and they said they would be happy to ID the snake for me. "But if it is a copperhead, you can't let it loose here." Yeah, right. Like I'm driving home with it?

Turned out it was a harmless water snake. They set it free by their pond.

Now when I go down into the basement I yell, "Go away snakes!"

Sweet dreams.