Did I tell y’all about the dog we had a while back? Poor little guy we had to…well you know. He was a crazy thing, raised all kinds of havoc chewing on table legs and socks and yes the under britches too. Can you believe I don’t even have a picture of him, no seriously we were so busy chasing him around there was never a chance to snap a shot, stupid little $hit.
In a way I miss that dog with all the frolicking and bouncing around and heck I suppose for that matter even the surprise of what he was going to do next. He was Security Dog in need of training. Oh my goodness this one time I took him to the pet shop over at the mall and he got away from me. I was so scared he was gonna bite someone or pee on somebody ya know. I had run right out the doors after him and yelled and yelled for him to get back here. Then he slipped outta sight so I called and called his name and said cooing words so he wouldn’t think he was in trouble and junk. Here baby, come to momma I got a bone for you, come on. I whistled and smooched my lips and junk. People were being idiots and running away from me as if I had a gun or like they had never saw anyone trying to get their dog back. Finally I found him at the pretzel kiosk begging for a pretzel, I don’t know why after all he had just ate before we left home. The kid working it said “hey lady, you need to do something about your dog.” And you know me I said, “ya think so huh?” I would like to say I picked the little $hit up and whipped him, but no I didn’t want an assault charge so I ignored him and put my dog back on the leash and walked away mumbling about how I had found a roach in my pretzel. Yeah I did, y’all so know I did. Then next thing he did, you won’t believe this…
We were going on a trip and it involved an airplane ride, we had everything all lined up for taking our dog and things were going surprisingly well, then somehow he escaped from his crate. What a mess, there was airport personnel everywhere looking and trying not to make too much of a deal outta it, afraid they would be sued or something I guess. The gate girl, I don’t know what else to call her, came and got us to see if we could get the dog to stop running in the terminal. Maybe y’all remember the news story? Anyways people started freaking out, screaming and running in the same direction we were going. There was such mayhem you would’ve thought someone had a bomb. All we were doing was looking for our crazy a$$ed dog.
Here boy, smooch-smooch, Security, Security! Come here Security, come to momma. What? That was his name, Duh I told you that, Security Dog. Hey that’s a great name, just think about it, you know it’s a good one. No really imagine where it can take you and all the stuff you can do with it. SO what’s wrong with that?
But needless to say, we missed our flight and came to the sad conclusion that Security had to go, we found a good home for him and last I heard he was very happy and the new owners dropped the Security part and just keep the Dog.
Now tell me my dear internets, was reading this as funny for you as when Beloved told me about this dream? You did get it right? The dog’s name was Security and we were running around calling for Security and people freaking out and all the mayhem because of our lost Security. Surely y’all got it ;-p