Trouble in Paradise!

OMG and HOW SAD, for me. It has been 10 days since my last post, my dear internets, and not one of y’all have called or emailed to check on my well being. Humph! (thanks for the snail mail card Deanna)

So what’s going on and all that you may want to know, or maybe not. {insert sad face here} I have not had any leftover MoJo / Inspiration / fodder to share with y’all. See it’s all because I was abducted by a space ship. Not the typical silver saucer with lights all around it, nope. It was one of those cigar shaped ones, no sillies not a Zeppelin but close, I guess if I had to make a reach for what it looked like…other than a cigar but way bigger, no huge’r than a cigar.

Sadly or fortunately I don’t remember much, not really. It was all like one moment I was dancing naked in the backyard trying to conjure up some rain and swoosh I was in this vast room. I mean hole E cow can y’all image! There I was all naked and junk in a colossal, too brightly lit room…all and I do mean ALL of me exposed. {shudder} Oh wait I forgot something {Cue: spooky space or techno music} So again there I was like all Nake Ed and so I just stood there looking around and thinking, What happened? Did I fall and hit my noggin in my wild foray of a dance routine? Did lightning strike me and now I’m in a coma? What!!

“No”, echoed this tiny voice.

Yeah, weird as I expected, and why did I expect, this big booming voice to answer too. So I twirled around trying to see who or what said that. Nothing, I saw nothing but empty space. Then I heard the tiny echo say, I’m up here. Duh!” I snapped my head up - Hole E Mole E! Standing on this weee witty bitty platform thingie was a little dude. At least I guess it was a dude, it had no…umm… well he had no boobs okay. So yeah, dude. Now picture this (oh you can kill the music IF you want) he was wearing a striped shirt of red, white and yes blue and had on pants, no not blue jeans, they were these green plaid, yellow and black. I know how crazy is that? And Orange tiny shoes, sort of Italian leather looking or made from Nagua’s (Naugahyde, umm yeah they are real).

I said, “Just what is going on here and who ta H E double hockey sticks are you?” While in my head I was all like whoa (as Joey says) and my legs were feeling a little jello’ie and not from my super and duper dance routine either. Then he shook his butt, at least I guess it was his butt it was behind him anyway and said something, it didn’t echo so I don’t know what it was. My hearing is not as good as it used to be ya know.

And next thing y’all and I know, I was in my bed and it was thundering and raining. No - not inside my head Silly, Outside and by that I don’t mean inside my house either.

To wrap up this post that went nowhere {along with me} the moral of this…the point is to…awh heck Don’t NEVER EVER do a rain dance when you are naked and “they” are cruising the night skies on a joy ride.

Have you ever been Abducted my dear internets?

Hello are you there?

Follow UP

This is a follow up post to High Jack. I felt it was needed. Okay so the book was fine, it didn’t have as many bubbles on it as y’all may have thought. It did not get soggy or anything like that. Jeezzzzzzzze, some of y’all really panic over stuff. Yes I photo shopped extra bubbles to cover some...err...umm personal bubbles. Now I can tell in my Freudian kind of way that some of y’all, sadly, have had bad bathtub photos taken by your mommies? And that may have lead to your lack of bathing. OH MY Goodnesssss, I can’t believe how many of my dear internets don’t bathe. No wonder the perfume industry is so big.

Okay so now to the real point of this follow up post; Do y’all have any idea how big my head got after reading the super special comments? No? Well let me put it like this, {cue your favorite happy song. I’ll tell you mine later}…

It's about ME

I was floating like a bubble
Glossy, light and free
Carried higher than the average me
Above the clouds, even
Looking down upon my domain
My people, gazing up to me
Uttering sweetness all about me
Laughing at my silly bravery
Wishing to be me?
I blush, with vanity – seldom
Showing photos without makeup
No hair doo, just hair don’ts
It’s not confidence as one
Would think, it’s laziness
Or craziness, when it comes to me
I do recommend this type of attitude
It’s not as if I’m on stage
There is no live audience
It’s all virtual, don’t you see
Truly only a virtual me


So there I was displayed in subdued glory {wink} when the loverly Candy Lady, Jannie, said, “You are crazier than I am!!!” Impossible as I no longer climb trees. And my dear ElizabethR said this “you are by far the zaniest woman on this earth. You are what Cool wants to be.” Did y’all read that! She said Earth, not just Texas or the U.S.A. but the Earth! And hows about that next line…Cool wants to be ME! Lalala faladidah or as the Fifth Dimension sang…

Sill Fun

Because I need it after that last one. Don’t you?


Thanks to the Musings of a writer Chick, Erin, who has shown me the way of Easy Blog Post Writing

For instance a little something like this…

Oh for crying out loud! I just returned from my daily swim on the beautiful Fijian beach and realized I have not updated this since people stopped clapping and Tinkerbell died... You would not believe that I'd been abducted by aliens. But I'm sorry you'll just have to take my word for it.

I am flat out like a lizard drinking with discovering time doesn't stand still, being distracted by the shiny, just generally being of great concern to anyone unfortunate to cross my path, my day is filled with fluorescent light from the first cock-a-doodle-doo of the rooster till I run out of alcohol. I am so totally loving it, dudes; that and I can take that big badge off my head that says bad mother.

I won't promise anything to you but I will write something that makes sense soon. Seriously! Assuming I don't get distracted by counting my chest hairs.

This fine post brought to you, my dear internets by The Lazy Bloggers Post Generator. Thank you and as Tony the Tiger so bravely said, “It’s GRRReat!”

BTW did you know that laying flat on the floor and taking your own photo upside down makes you look younger? Okay so getting up wasn’t easy, but aren’t I beautiful…never mind don’t answer that, the only thing that matters is that I feel not ugly.

Security who?

Did I tell y’all about the dog we had a while back? Poor little guy we had to…well you know. He was a crazy thing, raised all kinds of havoc chewing on table legs and socks and yes the under britches too. Can you believe I don’t even have a picture of him, no seriously we were so busy chasing him around there was never a chance to snap a shot, stupid little $hit.


In a way I miss that dog with all the frolicking and bouncing around and heck I suppose for that matter even the surprise of what he was going to do next. He was Security Dog in need of training. Oh my goodness this one time I took him to the pet shop over at the mall and he got away from me. I was so scared he was gonna bite someone or pee on somebody ya know. I had run right out the doors after him and yelled and yelled for him to get back here. Then he slipped outta sight so I called and called his name and said cooing words so he wouldn’t think he was in trouble and junk. Here baby, come to momma I got a bone for you, come on. I whistled and smooched my lips and junk. People were being idiots and running away from me as if I had a gun or like they had never saw anyone trying to get their dog back. Finally I found him at the pretzel kiosk begging for a pretzel, I don’t know why after all he had just ate before we left home. The kid working it said “hey lady, you need to do something about your dog.” And you know me I said, “ya think so huh?” I would like to say I picked the little $hit up and whipped him, but no I didn’t want an assault charge so I ignored him and put my dog back on the leash and walked away mumbling about how I had found a roach in my pretzel. Yeah I did, y’all so know I did. Then next thing he did, you won’t believe this…

We were going on a trip and it involved an airplane ride, we had everything all lined up for taking our dog and things were going surprisingly well, then somehow he escaped from his crate. What a mess, there was airport personnel everywhere looking and trying not to make too much of a deal outta it, afraid they would be sued or something I guess. The gate girl, I don’t know what else to call her, came and got us to see if we could get the dog to stop running in the terminal. Maybe y’all remember the news story? Anyways people started freaking out, screaming and running in the same direction we were going. There was such mayhem you would’ve thought someone had a bomb. All we were doing was looking for our crazy a$$ed dog.

Here boy, smooch-smooch, Security, Security! Come here Security, come to momma. What? That was his name, Duh I told you that, Security Dog. Hey that’s a great name, just think about it, you know it’s a good one. No really imagine where it can take you and all the stuff you can do with it. SO what’s wrong with that?

But needless to say, we missed our flight and came to the sad conclusion that Security had to go, we found a good home for him and last I heard he was very happy and the new owners dropped the Security part and just keep the Dog.

Now tell me my dear internets, was reading this as funny for you as when Beloved told me about this dream? You did get it right? The dog’s name was Security and we were running around calling for Security and people freaking out and all the mayhem because of our lost Security. Surely y’all got it ;-p